For most of my life, grace was something you said before dinner.
Then, during a difficult season of my life, a dear friend used the word in a completely different way. As she listened to me talk through my frustrations, disappointments, and mistakes, she gently reminded me to give myself some grace.
At the time, I don’t think I fully understood what she meant.
Like many people, I had become very good at holding myself to impossibly high standards. I expected myself to get everything right, say the right thing, make the right decisions, and somehow never fall short. When I did make a mistake, I replayed it over and over in my mind, often showing myself far less compassion than I would ever show someone else.
It took me years to truly understand what my friend was trying to teach me.
The older I get, the more I realize that grace is not about excusing our mistakes or avoiding responsibility. It’s about recognizing that we are human. We are going to stumble. We are going to make poor choices, say the wrong thing, misunderstand someone, or simply fall short of our own expectations from time to time.
And that’s okay.
When a friend is struggling, most of us naturally offer kindness, understanding, and encouragement. We remind them that one mistake doesn’t define them. We tell them they’re doing the best they can. Yet so often, we refuse to offer ourselves that same compassion.
What if we did?
What if, instead of immediately criticizing ourselves, we paused and extended the same kindness inward? What if we acknowledged our imperfections without letting them become our identity?
I’ve found that life feels a little lighter when I do.
Giving ourselves grace doesn’t make us weaker or less accountable. It gives us room to learn, grow, and move forward. It softens the sharp edges of perfectionism and reminds us that our worth isn’t tied to flawless performance.
These days, I find myself using that word more and more—not just for myself, but when talking with others who are struggling. Maybe that’s because I finally understand what my friend was trying to tell me all those years ago.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply offer ourselves a little grace.
Coach Kareen 