Today I did something I have only done one other time since I started racing 7 ½ years ago. I sat out a race. This morning I was supposed to be up and out of the house by 4:30am to head to Annapolis to do the 10-miler, but yesterday I decided I just couldn’t do it. I have been feeling very weary, not so much physically, but mentally. This weariness has impacted all aspects of my life including my athletic performance, my weight, my sleep and how I interact with the people around me.
I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when they find themselves in a situation that they have no control over and that’s where I’m at right now. Extricating myself from it doesn’t feel like an option, but it’s taken a heavy toll on my heart and my mind. I’m still working on a healthy way to cope with my feelings. My physical activity helps, especially my time outdoors and throwing some weight around at CrossFit. With time, I expect I will figure things out, but it’s a process and I have to be patient with myself.
Some may wonder why I’m sharing this. Well, based on a few comments I’ve heard lately, some overheard, I know that I have not always done the best job of hiding my weariness. To those folks, I ask that you too be patient as I work through the best way for me to deal with my feelings. I need love and support, not judgement.
Instead of running the Annapolis 10-miler today, I took some time to recharge. I didn’t want to worry about how many steps I got so I left my Garmin on the nightstand. I savored a sweet tea and took the dog for a walk. After that I enjoyed an early dinner with my always supportive husband and a stroll through beautiful Meadowlark Gardens.
Tomorrow is a new day and I got this!